Happy Dust
by WordlessWriter
Summary: Crona has tried everything to find his escape from his world of pain and regrets, each one more difficult than the other. Now, Crona has found a new outlet to escape. Rated T for drug abuse and some swearing.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Addict  
**1. **To become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance.  
**2. **One who is addicted, as to narcotics or a compulsive activity.

_"You need to stop, Crona!"_

I need to stop.

_"Get some help! You can't do this on your own!"_

I need help.

_"It's going to kill you, Crona!"_

I'm going to kill myself

What do they mean? They know none of those things are helping.

I'm simply stuck in this ongoing loop there is no end to it, I can't stop, I can't get help, I know I can't do any of those things. I can't stop, or else the bugs come back, the demons will haunt me again, the voices will return and the walls will start crashing; I don't know how to deal with those things again.

**I just can't deal with stopping**

I can't stop this loop because there is no end; there is no stop sign; they don't understand,

**There is no stopping.**

Even as my chest burns with fire, as my adrenaline rushes through my veins, as my lips go numb, I just can't stop. For once I feel, happy, I feel like I have a real soul living inside me and I'm not just a stone cold statue as if I am **truly alive**. They don't understand that. They want me to be happy, I'm happy right?

Pure happiness.

I inhale and as the smoke is filling up my lungs the same rush flows through me. I start feeling a tingling in my weak legs. The butterflies, they go inside my stomach and start fluttering and my body falls victim to the sensual feeling, the _great _feeling. I lift my shaking, sweaty hands to my numb lips and take another breath. I stare down at the pipe, my head swimming and clouded. I don't even notice the room around me, I feel as if I'm not in this dark, wretched apartment anymore. _Oh how amazing! _I keep lighting it, the pure substance melting away breathing, I feel that same rush taking all the sorrow away… taking me away from my reality as the smoke starts filling the air; the same rush; the same happiness, the same great feeling flowing through my veins. Everything is spinning, a carousel how fun! It keeps going and the spinning won't stop, I can't get off this carousel; it's too much fun!

I'm happy right?! That's what they want, right?!

Pure happiness, isn't that what they want?! Isn't this what happiness feels like? Is it supposed to spin around like a carousel? Is happiness the butterflies? The mind numbing rush? The shaking of my legs? The sweating of my palms? Is all this happiness? Is this the feeling all of them get when they laugh? When they smile?

You see everyone; I have too much fun on this carousel I can't get off of it!

I'm happy Maka! See this smile? I'm happy!

Is this what happiness feels like?  
Is this what it feels like to smile? To laugh?  
Is this what it truly feels like?

* * *

**I don't know how good this is considering it's so short.  
It's a prologue (obviously) to the chapter story I hope to write.  
Yes, in this story Crona is a boy. I know Crona's gender is debatable, but for the sake of the story Crona is a boy.  
Well, I hope you enjoy it and I hope it's good.**

**1st**** chapter will probably be up sometime next week.**


	2. Chapter 1: Starting

**First of all, I really want to thank the reviews for the prologue I never expected a turn out like that, definitely not. So really thank you 3  
Anyways, this chapter took me a while I always struggle with beginnings and starting fearing it will suck.  
But this is it, hope you enjoy and I hope it's not too bad!**

This story will be told in First Person, Crona's viewpoint.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater, Atsushi Okubo does.**

* * *

_We are all addicted to something that helps numb the pain.  
-Anonymous _

* * *

_Screaming there is constant screaming._

I'm trapped here, a room with no doors, no windows and no rooms. I can't get out, I'm trapped again. Darkness surrounded me, slowly whispering in my ear as it descended across the room like fog, leaving me unable to see my hands or anything. I settled my arms around my knees and curled up in a fetal position, I just wanted to get out of here, and I don't know how to deal with tight spaces. Then, my arm starts to itch a bit; it was a soft itch, nothing more.

_But this itch won't go away._

_I feel it in my other arm too, I scratch harder and I start to feel something crawling, something crawling under my skin. My scratches become even faster, harder. _

_I must get the bugs; they're crawling under my skin._

_I start to become panicked, the scratches become austere, angrier. They start to ravish buzzing, crawling menacingly on my arms, they don't want to go away. They want to eat away at my flesh, they want my whole body to be there nest, and they won't go away. Even as my scratching becomes more severe, it feels as if nothing is happening, as if it doesn't affect them. Why are they crawling? Why don't they just leave? They're in armies, the bugs, and they keep coming. They keep reproducing, over and over, the eggs laying eggs and the cycle keeps going, why won't they go away?! I can't deal with these bugs crawling under my skin; I can't deal with them making a nest in my brain I can't deal with it. I scratch more, to this point I hear a tear. I ripped the fabric off my arms, I stare down at them. Inflamed crimson, but I can still feel them. I keep scratching, my nails digging into my skin with every run up and down. _

_They're still buzzing… _

_This is when my arms actually start to bleed; Black. Its starts to run down my scrawny twig like arms, cascading, dripping slowly onto the hard concrete. But yet I still scratch away at my inflamed crimson flesh, clawing my way through my skin and flesh. _

_They're going to eat me alive…_

_Then, a bump appears on my forearm amidst the blood, it rises slowly moving against the flesh of my arm. _

_They're coming…_

_Then my skin starts to break, as a swarm of black, misguided and utterly disgusting beetles crawled out and scurried down my forearm. They were multiplying, growing and eating me alive. I kept scratching despite all of this, pain. Hot, searing pain as I scratched away at my already bleeding skin tearing up my pale flesh only to uncover the bugs, more bugs crawling and scurrying along multiplying adding to their human eating army._

_I hopelessly scream, knowing not one person can hear my cry. Not one person to help me, to get me through, I guess I'll die this way drowning in a pool of bugs and blood; hopelessly screaming until my voice becomes raw and I can no longer scream._

_No one is there…_

"Crona?"

_Who is calling me now?_

"Crona, come on wake up!"

_Let me die; please just let me die…_

"Crona, you're really scaring me, wake up!"

There was a flash of sudden white, and then a bunch of blurred out figures, all looking in my direction staring at me I couldn't tell if they were human or not they all looked so… alien like, unfamiliar and all a blur of figures.

Had it all been a nightmare?

As soon as my vision cleared I recognized some faces, people all looking at me eyes of green, brown and blue, all looking to me as if I had two heads attached to my shoulder. Some looked bored, others looked worried, but at most they all looked annoyed. Amidst all the unrecognizable faces I saw some I knew, Liz, Patty, Kid, Black-Star, Tsubaki, and Soul. They all looked somewhat worried, except Black-Star who was apparently drooling all over his paper.

"Are you okay Crona?"

The first voice I heard was sweet, pleasant with a tint of anxiousness. I looked over to see two bright blue eyes staring at me, creased downward in worry and concern. I felt a tense hand slowly loosen its grip on my back, another hand holding my arm, just as tense as the other, gripping tightly like iron bars, then slowly releasing its tight grip as well. I could see two dirty blonde pigtails tightly tied up by sky blue ribbons, almost perfectly straight. Those ice-like eyes staring straight through me, reading my every movement; tension was building inside them as they looked straight onward. They almost seemed to ask me, _'Are you okay?' _

Maka.

My throat seemed to be dry, and closed up. I couldn't make a sound, not even an utter gibberish would form out of my now closed throat. Her eyes begged for an answer, steaming with hot worry. But I couldn't make a sound, not one. I could almost feel all eyes, blue, green, hazel, all looking, all staring onward towards me as if I was some obscure object, new to their brains searching for some type of clue as to who I am and what I do.

All watching, all staring, all hungrily eyeing me.

_Why are you all watching me?_

There was pure silence, amidst this watching no one made a sound. They all seemed to be holding their breath, not one thing made a sound. Even Professor Stein's chair that usually creaked stayed silent, nothing made noise. I could hear my insides churning in persistent circles, making me absolutely sick.

They were all staring.  
Nobody was doing anything but staring, barely even breathing, just staring.

I soon started to notice I was shaking vigorously, my arms in particular shook as if they were frightened of something. I also noticed my palms were sweaty and sickly white, they trembled like twigs in a slight breeze. My face felt hot and flushed, my forehead was drenched in cold beads of sweat rolling down my face into my already drenched hands.

I was panicking.

I looked up at Maka, who cocked her head like a curious puppy, "Crona," She started once again, "You look sick. Is something wrong?"

For one reason or another I couldn't reply to her question. My voice box seemed to have broken in two, dismembering my voice leaving me unable to say a word. The air suddenly seemed to choke me. It's grappling hands grabbing me from behind and tightly pushing the air down, it almost seemed heavier, closed up and constricted. The air was starting to get heavier and my chest started to slowly collapse rapidly, the air was constricting, and it won't stop! My chest started to heave up and down gasping for air. I could feel my heart rapidly racing in my chest, pounding on its boned in cage like a prisoner ready to break. I couldn't stop the feeling, my throat closing up and constricting my air. My legs were wobbly, trembling along with my arms and whole body. I started to taste metal in my throat, disgusting and rusted metal, coating my saliva and taste buds. I felt a strange sensation in my stomach, acid was grabbing on to my stomach and tossing it, squeezing it, it tumbled back and forth in somersaults. I couldn't breathe, I wanted to scream but I couldn't, I was choked up. I heard the dreaded buzzing in my ears, I blocked my ears but it rang on and reverberated through my head, not leaving. I could feel all eyes looking at me, their hungry eyes looking, staring burning through me, all those eyes watching, staring and observing me.

_They're all watching_ _me… _

I made a sudden burst from my seat, my legs wobbling like a newborn learning to walk almost collapsing under me. I raced for the door and sprinted down the hallway, I heard Maka call my name but the buzzing got louder, I couldn't hear it. I was dizzy, woozy I felt like I was about to faint right then and there, I clenched my abdomen tightly, churning its bodily fluids back and forth, up and down doing great somersaults in its spot. My mind raced as thoughts flashed through my eyes like a freight train, my heart was beating unsteadily and rapidly, going out of control almost making its break out its rib-cage prison cell. I flung open the door to the restroom and raced into a stall. I hunched myself over the porcelain bowl, my head spinning as I leaned forward ready to lose my lunch.

Nothing.

My body was trembling still, shaking rapidly like a leaf in the winter wind. I collapsed right there on the tile floor, my body finally giving out. I felt dizzy, flushed and feverish. I could hear my heart still racing in my chest, my breathing still shallow, my chest searing with excruciating pain. My fists were sweaty; my knuckles were white with terrible anxiety. I felt numb, paralyzed, and unable to move my feeble body.

I just sat there, waiting for the buzzing to stop.

* * *

For who knows how long, I just sat there, laying on the cold disgusting tile floor, waiting for someone to burst through the door and get me; someone to drag my numb body back to class and interrogate me, question me, feel my body for any signs of injury or disease, someone to just drag me away like a ragdoll and help me forget what had just happened. How I started panicking and raced out of the room, wobbling and swinging my body around like a drunk. For that some while I sat there, curled up in a position, holding onto my knees, hunched forward, I couldn't help feeling a need, a certain craving.

I wanted something; I felt I needed to help me stop shaking, to stop the buzzing in my ears, to make the pain go away. I needed that rush, I needed to feel happy, I wanted that mind-numbing rush that made my chest burn, my mind drift off to a better place and all anxiety, worry and deep heart-wrenching pain to disappear in an inhale. I wanted that rush, and I wanted it, _now. _I want this to all go away. I want my pain, all my anxiety, and all these nightmares, all of my panic to just go away! I wanted that rush; I wanted that same feeling, the feeling of happiness, what people feel when they laugh or smile. I wanted it… I needed it, I want to have that tingling feeling I get with it. The sweet, indulging, sacchariferous, feeling that tingles up my spine and carries me away from this reality of fear, regret and inner turmoil.

_I need to get away… I need to escape…_

"Hey Crona! Would you stop lazing around on your ass? I'm getting hungry here!"

Snapping me out of what seemed a trance was the sudden shrill and rather furious voice that came from Ragnarok. I looked upward at the raging weapon resting its head on my scalp, his tiny fists raised ready to start thrashing insults and barraging me with noogies, painful nose pinching and brutally hitting me on the head.

"Why are you just sitting there Crona? Come one get up! I haven't eaten since lunch and I'm sure that cow and her friends have food!"  
"Maka isn't a cow… I don't want to go see them…" I said meekly.  
"Well why not? You always seem to want to see that girl, did they ditch you or something?"  
"No… I… just don't want to…" I replied resting my chin on my knees.  
I could feel Ragnarok's rage building, "Well the food isn't just going to appear out of nowhere Crona! Stop being a lazy ass and get up and let's go home so you can cook me some food!" There it was Ragnarok's natural outburst. I don't know how to deal with him beating me again so I got up from my fetal position and trudged out of the restroom. I didn't know how long I had been in there, but there was no one in the hallways so I assumed everyone was still in the classroom. I walked out of the doors of Shibusen and walked down the long staircase to Death City.

* * *

I never normally liked walking through the city to go to the apartment, I felt it was really nerve-racking and I don't know how to deal with people bumping into me and yelling at me to move quicker, I just don't know how to deal with people like that. The city is crowded too, and it makes me feel like I'm being crunched up in a box and I have no personal space whatsoever, as if I'm being suffocated with horrid smells of trash to almost choking on a rich lady's perfume, it really isn't the place I like to be.

It's just too… over populated I guess…

I kept trudging along the narrow streets and just as I predicted it was an overcrowded, personal space invading, area; people slamming into me, yelling at me for not watching where I was and calling me retarded and uncoordinated. I guess I am what they call 'retarded' for slamming into them and invading their personal space… I should probably know better. I soon passed the garbage disposal and that rotten smelling substance was shoved up my nostrils causing me cough and sneeze everywhere. More people called me disgusting and truly vile for spreading my putrid and contagious disease onto them and roar that they will sue me if I give them this disease called the 'Black Plague'. I guess I shouldn't try to spread my vile and contagious disease all over these people, who probably have homes and family they need to take care of… I guess I really am vile and utterly disgusting.

_Why won't this pain go away?_

The more I walked the more overcrowded Death City got, people squished next to me yelling over their cellphones, screaming and telling revolting things that would only come out of a drunken sailor's slurred lips. I kept lumbering through the streets of screaming people, coughing people, smelly people, pushy people, and those people who got right up in your face to advertise free balloons or a new store coming out. They come up to anyone and just spit in their faces screaming about new products, I don't know how to deal with people yelling at me so I take a flyer and slowly back away, frightened. After that I normally avoid that certain area so I don't have to deal with the constant yelling.

Finally, I reached the small apartment complex. The building wasn't ancient but it wasn't new. The paint was slowly starting to chip away from its newly painted coat from last summer, a light egg like yellow that seemed to make the city not look so dark and dangerous. It made Death City a bit of a brighter area and brought some smiles to people's faces when they passed by it on their way to work. I don't know how long this building had been here, but they still kept it in good foundation and structure, I guess that's what makes it so nice to the eye I guess. The windows were dusty and some had curtains closed over them to hide the people within them as well as the shameless acts that I could hear between the walls. I steadily pushed my way through the double doors and walked into the lobby.

The complex didn't smell but it had reeked of window cleaners, bleach, and disinfectant, it always has I assume. The owner nodded to me, smiling gleefully like a child on Christmas morning. I couldn't force a smile on my face; I just kept walking onward to the elevator. I stood at the elevator's sleek metal doors hunching over, waiting for the box like contraption to come down and fly me up towards my room. There was light and rather joyous 'ding!' when it came down and opened. I dragged my aching body in, pressed the four and waited.

This is another thing I don't know how to deal with: Elevators.

You feel like you are trapped, excluded from breaking the barrier around you, stuck in the mud with nowhere to go. I felt like my air was always constricted when I went in here; I always felt my palms sweat and my heart race, and my head starting to hurt. I clenched my fists tight at my sides, holding back my inner panic that I felt. I almost felt like puking as the elevator pushed itself up, making my stomach lurch and my body tremble. It was even worse when someone was here with me, they sniffed and coughed and tapped they're feet, other's tried to make simple conversation with me, I don't know how to deal with people speaking to me about whether and my life… I always feel so awkward standing there not saying anything, not commenting on their children, or their spouses, or how they got a new promotion at work, I don't think I can deal with that. It seems like almost an eternity to get up to the fourth floor. What if I'm stuck? I'll have to wait for people to come rescue me while I sit in the corner crying and panicking. I don't know how to deal with those people asking me questions and checking if I'm okay. I don't want to be stuck in here…

_I need to escape…_

"Hey Crona move your ass the doors are open!" Ragnarok shouted at me snapping me out of my inner panic.

I shot straight up as the doors opened and walked out, the doors shut behind me and once again a light 'ding!" left me alone in the hallway facing my door. I fumbled with trying to find my key, my hands shaking and sweaty.

"Hey shit head take a hint; it's around your neck!" Ragnarok roared.

I looked down at the bronze key hanging from my neck, on a piece of string Maka had helped me make when I first got this apartment, _"So you never forget where it is!"_ I remember she told me. I smiled meekly at the memory; I grabbed the key and shakily put it in the key-hole. There was a 'click' and the door opened for me. I trudged inside.

* * *

I remember Maka bought this apartment for me. They moved me out of that cell at the DWMA and gave me a dreary apartment south of the school, I preferred that isolated cell much more than this place. In there I didn't have to deal with anyone, no one knocked on my door, no elevators and no crowded sidewalks. In that cell there were no people to call me 'vile' or 'retarded', I didn't have to converse, I could just sit in there and be by myself. I liked it that way, in that cell I could get away from all the regretful things I have done, in here I have to deal with them. I don't know how to deal with my memories, I don't know how to deal with the nightmares that haunt my brain, and I don't know how to deal with any of this pain. In that cell I didn't have to deal with it, no yelling people, no smelly people, no pushy people, no people I had to make conversation with, it was just me and that's why I liked it there.

I could escape.

"Come on Crona, I'm hungry! Hurry up and make some food!" I heard Ragnarok yell once more.

This time I ignored the yelling weapon.

_I need it…_

I seemed to walk in a trance, subliminally walking to the kitchen cabinet. I fumbled through pot after pot, pan after pan, my sweaty hands trembling in great need.

_Where is it? Where did it go?!_

I soon started to panic. I bolted across the kitchen tile rummaging furiously through every cabinet, every cupboard, every draw; it was nowhere to be seen. I dashed across to the living room my legs wobbling; I started to break out sweating. I furiously yanked out the draws out of the rickety table stand pouring it out on the floor; I gripped my hair tightly as my heart started to race, kicking, jumping out of its normal rate in panic, slamming against my rib cage furiously ready to burst. I rummaged in every draw, panicking, trembling, and dizzy.

_I need it now! Where is it?!_

I flung open the door to my bedroom; I dashed over to the bureau I ripped the draw open, I dug ferociously through the worthless junk and books in the draw, finally sitting its big plastic eyes staring up at me, grinning. I rip the bag from the draw along with the pipe and lighter and rush with the most insane smile on my face to the living room.

* * *

I sat there on the wooden floor grinning giddily like a child at Christmas; I pour the pure substance into the small and glass pipe. Grasping the pipe, rolling the smooth glass between my shaky fingers, _it's so good feel you again old friend… _I scoff and grab the silver lighter from beside me, smiling with pure seduction; I flicked the lighter and held it under the pipe. Slowly, the powder melts away to a pure liquid sloshing around gracefully inside the wider part of the pipe. Then, it starts. The smoke rises from the end, my hands shook in anticipation as I brought the steaming pipe to my lips. I took one solid and long breath, and exhaled.

_Here it comes…_

I inhale and as the smoke is filling up my lungs the same rush flows through me. I start feeling a tingling in my weak legs. I start feeling a flutter in my stomach, butterflies flying around in my stomach brushing their wings against my stomach. My mind starts to fall victim to the wonderful… absolutely wondrous feeling, it seems the room disappears before my eyes, the dark, dreary apartment disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Spinning around like a miraculous and wondrous circle; spinning around and around, getting faster and faster. For one reason or another, I feel a smile playfully round my lips, and I start laughing. I wasn't laughing normally, I sounded more like a howling Hyena on the prowl, laughing, screeching in joyous high. I keep breathing in the sacchariferous substance, my mind swimming off to greater places. All my stress, all the pain, all the turmoil, all my panic and woeful memories seem to fade from my clouded brain. My chest tingled and my stomach continuously flutters as the butterflies get restless in their in closed space, I wish I could let them escape, I wish they could feel this… this wondrous happiness.

Is this what they call 'happy'?

I inhaled deeply once more, bringing the burning-glass pipe to my numb lips, sending a wave of sensational chills up my spine once more.

My mind swimming, diverting my attention away from the dour apartment, my dreary and painful surroundings, all the depressing memories in my life melting away like ice.

I don't know… but amidst my maniac like laughter, I hear the faint sound of knocking.

* * *

**Voila! My masterpiece, she is finished!  
Mehh this was a long chapter! I hope you guys like this and I hope it isn't absolute crap. **

**I do want to thank you all for waiting for the release of this chapter, I know it took forever. I want to thank you all for the reviews on the prologue, I am really happy on how that turned out and I hope I haven't lost any of your attention. **

**I really hope this isn't too bad of a 1****st**** chapter, as you all may know I hate beginnings it's always terrible to start for me. This chapter took a long time of practically ripping my hair out, staying up for hours thinking and plotting ideas, staring at the computer for hours on end trying to think of how to start, and it took a lot of tears too. I hope the ending isn't too crappy.**

**Anyways I'll stop babbling and leave you guys at a cliff hanger for now; hopefully I'll be a lot quicker this time XP **

**Songs I used for inspiration while writing this chapter:  
Mr. Self-Destruct- Nine Inch Nails  
In My Heaven- Negative  
Save Me- Shine-Down  
**

**I hope this chapter came out good! Bye!**


	3. Chapter 2: A Secret Uncovered

**First of all, before I start, thank you all so much for those of you who reviewed the first chapter  
I loved it and I can't thank all of you enough for the support and great comments, you all really help me. . **

**WARNING! PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU START CHAPTER 2!**

**As you all know, this story is about a drug addiction to crack, a drug that makes the user extremely hyper-active. I am aware that Crona is not at all, hyper, energetic, etc. I've watched the Soul Eater series thousands of times, and I know Crona's personality. Based on the research I have done before starting the story, the drug itself makes you feel confident, hyper, energetic and in general very happy. During the initial 'high' the user talks extremely at a rapid rate, feels as if they are 'on top of the world' and the user during that time has increased sexual desire (don't worry, there is no lemon). I am aware that this is out of character for Crona, and I just wanted to let you guys know that the drug itself making him feel hyper and the exact opposite of Crona's original personality. I just wanted to let all of you know, because that will be happening in this chapter. **

**I am aware Crona isn't a hyperactive maniac, so don't throw a fit. **

**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater, Atsushi Okubo does.**

* * *

_He that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts benighted walks under the mid-day sun; himself is his own dungeon.  
-John Milton_

* * *

Loud, harsh and excruciating.

The constant repetition of the same harsh sound, breaking through to my whisked away mind; I hear the raw cries of my name, pleading, longing wanting an answer. Hoping, they can just hear my voice, any type of answer.

_Why have they disrupted my peaceful serenity?  
Why do they need me?  
_

Taking another intake of the indulging substance, sending chills radiating up my spine, the rush, and the most wondrous rush spiraling into my brain like a ravished tornado. A smile turns around my face again, manic, insane grin, a grin that keeps growing.

_I feel so… so… powerful._

All my worries, all the nightmares, all my anxiety, every regret, that has kept me chained, has finally loosened. The chains have finally come undone from my scrawny body, no longer holding me as a prisoner to it, releasing me, letting my body finally let go of its turmoil and finally be free.

_Free of the pain… all the damn pain, slowly melting away…_

The rain cloud, finally being lifted, opens its depressive dark clouds to finally reveal the sunlight, the glorious and great sunlight finally shining its light upon me. Every little raindrop, melting away to vapor; the lightning no longer striking and hitting my body with sheer force; and the thunder, no longer hurting my ears and making me tremble in fright. The storm is gone and I am finally witnessing the sunlight once again.

_Everything… lifting… no more anxiety… no more nightmares… _

No more rainclouds, no more chains, no more weight to sulk on my shoulders and break my back with every step.

_Everything is gone._

There is no more left, but the tingling that flutters in my stomach as I breathe it in.

There is no more left, no more sorrow, no more depression, no more guilt, no more regrets, nothing that can come back and haunt me. There are no more memories that haunt my mind; there are no more nightmares that invade my dreams and breakdown the wall of my sanity. All of it is just gone… disappearing like a flash of lighting, gone in a crack.

Everything… just gone.

"Crona! Open up the damn door!"

The voice kept crying, getting more desperate at each break. For a while I just sat there, blinking mindlessly, listening to every painful knock, every raw cry and the harsh banging the slammed into my door, just listening.

"Come on Crona! Open up."

I just kept listening.

"Please, answer Crona I'm really getting nervous. Open the door!"

The stranger just kept throwing themselves at the door, shouting over and over again.

"I know you're in there, just answer!"

_Maybe…_

"Crona, please!"

_Maybe… maybe they want it too… _

"Why won't you answer Crona?! Open up the door!"

_Maybe they want to feel it… _

"What are you doing in there? Open up the door!"

_Maybe they want to… maybe they want to be happy… just like me._

Slowly, I worked myself into a grin and started to laugh. It was more like a howl, a high pitched, ear piercing howl of a Hyena, insane, and uncontrollable. I just kept laughing into the room, throwing my head back in a mindless grin, cackling, howling manically into the lifeless walls of the living room, echoing as if the walls were laughing with me.

_Maybe… they want to feel this too... The spine tingling rush, the wondrous mind-numbing chills, maybe that's what they want…  
To be happy… to feel such a… magnificent… feeling…  
Pure happiness… How could they resist?! _

I hoisted myself upward to my now trembling legs, the glass pipe clenched between my white fingers.

_Only excitement…_

Still giggling like a small child at Christmas, I walked rather quickly to the door, the butterflies whirling around in frenzy, fluttering, tickling my insides. I threw my hand at the door knob, my hands shaking, and my palms miserably slipping on the brass knob.

_They want this… they want to feel it… _

Slipping the pipe between my numb lips, I tremblingly grasp the doorknob. Grinning from ear to ear in sheer anticipation, my mind racing with great thoughts, I hear a slight 'click' and open the door

* * *

Standing in the door way, white in the face; exhaustion still heaving in her breath, her shoulders hunched over, heaving, gasping for breath it seemed. Her appearance looked almost barbarian, her normally straight blonde pigtails frizzy, and flyways sticking up like corn-stalks in summer. Beads of sweat was dripping from her forehead, making the tips of her bangs damp and stick to her forehead. Her fists clenched and knuckles white, somewhat bruised from the ferocious knocking. Her normally calm and joyful face was twisted into a look of anxiety, making her normally happy demeanor seem oblivious, the normal smile she had was locked into a straight line; her ice blue eyes, once engulfed in happiness, now surging with solicitude. There was no joy, no calm smile, no happiness flickered on her face, and all that remained was the heavy weight of indignation, which was weighing down on her thin shoulders.

Maka

I always thought she was happy. How she would always laugh and smile, brightening up the darkest of rooms, lifting a deep weight off of someone's shoulder and making every fallacious situation seem right. She always made the angriest people smile, the most serious and uptight would start giggling, the most broken… she made them all smile. She made me, a depressive, hopeless and lifeless soul smile. I never thought I'd see her here… I always thought she was the joyful, blithesome girl who never got down at any moment.

_Maybe… Maybe I was wrong…_

Maybe deep inside she was a broken soul, crying out for help, hiding her great depression behind that smile. Maybe she was sad, upset and faked all her smiles, all those laughs and happy words, maybe they were all just affectation to make her seem joyful so she could hide her true sadness. Maybe all those smiles were lies, maybe she wasn't truly happy just trying to hide her pain from others, and she was trying to prevent others from pitying her.

_Was it all a lie? _

_If she isn't happy, then this… she truly needs this… this wondrous substance…_

I take a deep breath and grin ear to ear, my mind swimming with great excitement, knowing she wants this substance. She wants to feel the joy I feel! She wants the butterflies in her stomach, the great tingling feeling in her legs, and the mind numbing chills that radiate up your spine with every intake! Oh how wonderful!

_She wants the joy, the happiness… She wants to feel this…_

At my own thoughts I begin to giggle and titter mindlessly out into the poorly lit hallway, echoing into the hallway hearing my manic bursts of laughter come laughing back at me only to shortly disappear as ash would in the wind. Gaining somewhat control from my guffaw, I forcibly grab her by her heaving shoulders, my trembling hands holding a rather ironically strong grip on her. She glowered a frown of bewilderment at my sudden grasp, confused, and somewhat frightened at my actions.

_All she wants… all she… wants… is to be… to be happy…_

She kicked and squirmed, grunting as she tried to escape the iron hold my hands had on her. I backed her into the wall parallel to my room, my grip intensifying as she struggled, pushing, kicking; throwing punches, miserably attempting to escape from my iron grip. I couldn't help letting a grin slip onto my face as I gripped the pipe between my trembling fingers and forcing it upon her, pushing it in her face, she grunted and gagged.

"Come on..." I whispered my manic grin growing, "I know how much you want this…"

Her face contorted at my words, rage shaping the lines of her struggling face, pushing, shoving all miserable. "Get off me…" she grunted "Get off me, Crona!" she heaved, turning her head away from the pipe. "Let go of me!" She cried trying to push the burning pipe away from her mouth.

_No, this is wrong…_

"Why are you resisting?!" I cried desperation had crept into my voice, betraying the twinges of distress that were beginning to emerge. "This is what you want! Isn't it?!"

She grabbed onto me and pushed me off of her, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" she cried before darting for the door of the apartment.

_No…_

I chased in straight after her, my legs shaking and sweat pouring down my face in buckets. "Why are you resisting?!" I cried, "You want to be happy don't you?! This is what you want!" She turned her head; breathing hard her face was now contorted even more into rage, no longer fright, and those ice blue eyes surging with red hot rage. I took my chances and tackled her onto the couch. I stared down at her struggling, a grin slipping onto my sweating face. I pushed it in her face, she grabbed onto my wrists attempting to push my arms away from her.

"Try it!" I cried, my voice becoming raw reeking with desperation. "You'll be happy! All your troubles will disappear; all your worries will fade away to ash! Isn't that what you want!?"

"No!" she screeched, struggling to keep the burning pipe away from her face, "Get that away from me!" she dug the back of her head into the couch cushion as if it would suck her away from the smoking pipe.

_This is wrong… she wants… she wants to be happy… this is all wrong!_

She kicked and screamed under me, her cries becoming raw and desperate, anger echoing on the walls coming screaming back at her, "What is wrong with you?!"

At her cries I laughed, insanely demented, the screeches of a Hyena in the savannah, my smile turning from ear to ear, my features those of a mad man. A demented grin, howling at her struggles, sweat pouring down my face, the lines of desperation deepening sinking down into my soul, each chord of my sanity snapping, cracking, breaking like the strings of an old guitar.

"You'll be happy Maka! All of your troubles will be gone, every weight will be lifted, and everything will be gone!"

She clenched her teeth, struggling, grunting, "Get it…" she started, gasping for breath, "Get it away from me!" she cried her voice cracking into high pitches.

_This is wrong… she's never mad at me… _

Struggling, pushing, throwing punches, doing anything to get me off of her, all miserable attempts, all failing, narrowly missing me. I keep cackling, throwing my head back, and my voice becoming scratched and raw, insane demented, reeking with desperation and pure insanity. "This is wrong! You should want this! You are depressed and lonely Maka, this will make you happy!"

At my words she grunts and pushes me off, sending me flying to the floor. For a couple seconds I laid there, my head spinning, my legs tingling and the world around me buzzing. I was sweating, trembling, panicking, cold sweat poured in buckets down my scorching cheeks.

_Why is she resisting?! This all wrong!_

I could hear her panting, sweating, shaking, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" she panted.

_All she wants… _

I rose to my feet, trembling, and the hot glass pipe still clenched between my sweaty fingers. She looked at me, her eyes enveloped in pure aggravation, sweat pouring down her forehead, her blonde hair falling out of its natural pigtails, her face white and teeth clenched together like two calcium bars locking her voice from screaming out.

_Is to be happy…_

I couldn't help a grin slipping on my face, spreading from ear to ear, and I laugh.

Raw, breathless, maniacal, insanely demented, the same features of man in a strait jacket in a padded cell, crazy, cracked and laughing at the pure nothingness around him.

I stumble towards her, still induced and cackling, "You're lonely Maka… I know you're troubled; this… this can fix all your troubles… Everything! Everything can be fixed! All your worries, all your anxiety, all your night mares and horrors, the little monsters that hide inside you, everything can be erased! The weights on your shoulders will be lifted, everything will be gone!" I grab onto her wrists, desperation clenching tightly onto my grip, "Isn't that what you want!? Isn't that what you need?! I know you're desperate for happiness, just take one breath and you'll be whisked away!" I cried, my voice twanging, changing pitches with every syllable, cracking; snapping in half like an egg dropped onto the linoleum floor, spread out, cracking, and everywhere. "You'll be happy! That's what you want! Isn't it what you want?!" I cry shaking her back and forth, my hands trembling and sweating with desperation.

_This is wrong… all of this is wrong!_

"Crona stop this!" she cried, her voice raw, "I don't know what's wrong with you, I don't know why you're doing this, but you have to stop!"

_This is all wrong… _"Why?! Don't you want to be happy!? Don't you want the nightmares to be gone, don't you want all your sorrows in life to go away!? Don't you want it?!"

"Crona," she glowered in anger, "Whatever you're trying to give me; it isn't good for you! It isn't good, Crona, it's not going to make you feel any better!"

"All you say is a lie!" I yelled, "It makes everything so much better! I'm happy, isn't that what you all want!?"

She paused for a moment, glaring at my twisted and pallid face, reeking with pure madness. "Crona, I know you suffered a lot, but it's not going to go away! Whatever you have in that pipe isn't going to do anything!"

_She's wrong… this is wrong… I'm finally happy; I can finally smile and laugh like they can! Isn't that what Maka wants?! Why is she yelling at me?_

"Isn't this what you wanted?! I can finally smile and laugh like all of you! I can finally feel something instead of a cold lifeless soul! Isn't that what you wanted!? Isn't that what you all wanted?!"

"Crona, whatever you have in that pipe, it isn't going to help you any! It's only going to make everything worse!" she yelled, "Please, Crona everything is going to get worse, it isn't going to make you happy!"

…_Why is she yelling at me?! I thought she wanted this…_

With my hands still shaking, I loosen my grip and take my hands off of her. Her shirt now stained with sweat, where my hands had locked on her shoulders. She looked at me, her knuckles white and sweaty, she was trembling, not with worry or fright, but with pure, red hot, indignation. I remember that look, I remember that face. It was the face of anger and disappointment; I have only seen that face one time before, when I sulked in that ditch after betraying Shibusen. Where she yanked me by the collar and almost punched me in the face, after admitting to putting one of Medusa's snakes in Marie's drink, causing Professor Stein to fall further into madness.

She was so angry, so disappointed.

I then collapsed to my knees, my head hanging lifelessly, as if someone had cut the strings on a puppet. My hands trembling and white, with the pipe still clenched between my lifeless fingertips. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't cry, I wasn't panicking, I had no idea what to say or do. I could only hear a light buzzing reverberating through my ears.

I couldn't face Maka, but I could feel her cold glare, burning in the back of my mind, forever creating an indent on the side of my brain. She was angry, frustrated, disappointed and many other terrible emotions were surging through her head.

_Disappointment… anger… _

Without a word, she knelt down onto the floor and snatched the pipe from my fingertips.

_What is she doing?_

She rose to her feet, holding the pipe tightly in her palm, I could only look up for a second, until I could finally figure out what was going on.

_No… She wouldn't…_

Her eyebrows narrowing, glaring at the glass object, as if she could burn through it with her glare; she glanced at me for a moment, before letting it go.

_No! Please, don't do it!_

All I could do was sit there and watch, paralyzed. It seemed as if time had slowed down, for that few moments the world was moving in slow motion.

_No… Why… why are you doing this?!_

The pipe made contact with the floor with anything but grace. Cracking, then slowly breaking off into bits of glass too tiny to glue back together. Smashing, spreading, and falling into oblivion on the hard wood floor, forever gone, never to be resurrected.

The buzzing stopped.

* * *

**Another chapter done and done!  
Well, it took about 4 weeks but this chapter is finally done, I truly hope it was worth your wait and I truly thank you for your patience.  
For those of you who haven't figured it out, this whole chapter was basically going through the stages of a crack high; the lighting, the initial 'high', and then the crashing. Throughout this chapter Crona experienced the phases of a crack high and how it affects a person. **

**I do want to thank ****Kokoro no kuro**** for helping me with some of the parts of this chapter. We both sat down and role-played the whole thing through Private Messaging, with a few changes, she really helped get my brain going and encouraged me to keep going, despite the fact I was ready to give up and throw my computer across the room and smash it repeatedly with a sledge hammer. **

**I have also been keeping up with her story, which she updated yesterday, ****Kagome the Huntress****, which in my personal opinion, I thought was very well done. In addition to this story maybe you guys can give her some love. **

**I hope this was worth the wait and I really hope I pleased your hungry minds. **

**Well I should probably get started on Chapter 3; I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and enjoyed a bit of Crona being a hyperactive, desperate and rather insane maniac.**

**I really hope this is good enough for all of you ;)**

**Bye! **


	4. Chapter 3: Worthless

**Thank you guys again for the reviews, it's really great to hear people are enjoying this story :3  
I always love to hear them, and I'm really glad this story is building a fan base.**

**Be aware that Crona is coming down from his high so he's a bit desperate and still a bit crazy. **

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter ^^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater, Atsushi Okubo does.**

* * *

"Things happened when you were little. Things you don't remember and things you don't want to. But they need to escape, need to worm their way out of that dark place in your brain where you keep them stashed."

-Ellen Hopkins

* * *

For a moment, everything just… stopped.

I was paralyzed, sitting in that same position, unable to even realize what had just happened. Even as I stared at the broken bits and pieces of the pipe on the floor, I couldn't accept fact, I couldn't deal with it, I couldn't… I couldn't deal with this…

I just couldn't.

My eye twitched slightly as I sat there, my heart racing against my rib cage and thoughts racing by me in hot flashes.

_It's gone…_

The room almost suddenly felt heavier, the air constricted, tightening, choking, and strangling me as oxygen wrapped its merciless hands around my throat and shaking me, constricting, every ounce my oxygen leaving me, choking me. Grabbing me and taking my breath, until I choked to my own death.

_It's broken…_

Hot, searing pain enveloped my rib cage as I attempted to breathe. Every breath a sharp blade, digging, carving stabbing into my chest with sheer force; cracking my ribs, stabbing through my lung, and killing me with each and every gasp.

_It's all gone... everything's gone_

I didn't even notice my fingers digging into my clothing to the point of bleeding; I was shaking, sweating, and gasping for air. I could feel cold sweat pour down my forehead in buckets, running down my burning cheeks and nose and dropping onto the floor in pathetic little drops. I was seeing the past few seconds in hot flashes, flying by me like freight trains, coming and going in a matter of seconds. Everything crashing, all my worries, all my anxiety, all my memories and nightmares, come flying back at me and punching me hard in the face with the force of a 2 ton bus; the weight that used to sit above me, came crashing down, falling and crashing onto my scrawny shoulders breaking my back in the entire process. The chains of my nightmares returned and yanked me by the collar against the wall, restricting every movement, and torturing me with every resistant. The walls around me crashed and fell on me, each and every solid boulder slamming into my shoulders and breaking me, killing me.

_Everything came crashing back… bruising, breaking, stabbing at my frail body._

_It all was gone and never returning…_

_Everything is crashing… everything is coming back!_

_I don't know how to deal with this! _

_I don't know to deal with the restraints; I don't know how to deal with the bruises and cuts; I don't know how to deal with everything crashing back down._

_I can't! I can't deal with this! _

"No…" I muttered my voice cracking and barely audible, my fists tightly clenched into my palms as my knuckles turned whiter than my skin. "No…"

_It's all breaking… Everything is breaking…_

I could feel Maka's eyes burning in the back of my mind, creating holes and forever inked into my mind, she was concerned, maybe even enraged. It was the emotions in her eyes I couldn't calculate, I could only see those grass green eyes narrowed down to a cold emotionless glare.

I was trembling now, my white fists clenched I couldn't handle all of this.

_I needed it… I needed it now!_

"No!" I cried, my voice was getting louder and higher pitched, cracking.

_I need it… I can't deal with this…_

"I needed that! Why did you break it?!" my voice cracked, twanging with pure desperation

"Because it's not good for you!" she replied her tone harsh.

_I can't deal with this… I can't… I can't deal with any of this!_

I clenched the tufts of my hair tightly, almost to the point of ripping. "You don't understand!" I yelled my voice raw, "Everything is crashing around me! Don't you see it?! The walls are crashing; everything is crashing and burning! Everything is coming back! I can't… I can't deal with it!" My voice started to quiver and break, "I need it to make it stop! But you destroyed it! I can't get out Maka, I'm stuck and you caused it! Why can't you see?! Why can't you see that everything is burning down?! I can't make it stop! God-dammit I need it!" my heart was slamming into my chest, wanting free of its bone cage. "You son of a bitch, you destroyed it! Now nothing will go away! Everything, everything will come back and it's all because of you!" I was starting to sound like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum now, "Everything is burning! It's all because of you! You destroyed it! Don't you care at all?! What if I die from the falling rocks?! It's your entire damn fault!" I cried my sweating hands clenching my hair, I was starting to well up with burning tears of rage, running down my face in burning rivers, "Now I'm going to die, I'm going to die from the falling rocks! It's your entire fault Maka! I'm going to die-"

Suddenly, through my blurred vision I saw a flash of a hand and the sharp, burning pain of her sharp hand across my cheek.

I put my hand up to my cheek, now crimson and burning from impact. As much as it burned, what hit harder was the reality. Maka… Maka is never angry at me… why is she hitting me?!

"Pull yourself together, Crona!" Those were the words shouted at me, they were enraged and angry, enveloped in fiery, hot anxiousness and tied off with a ribbon of pure anxiety.

She looked toward me, her eyes purely written with her anxiety. All I could was sit there, holding hand up to my cheek staring hopelessly at the floor; I could feel the burning sensation of tears in the back of my eyes, like a damn protecting a small town from the river that flows, the water current became too strong, and was slowly breaking the concrete. The corners of my mouth twitched and I felt my stomach tying knots. I swallowed hard, trying to hopefully swallow the dull knife that was stabbing at the back of my throat. The damn that once protected that little town, was collapsing, destroying, flooding, killing all of the little citizens, men, women, children all dying as the water engulfed them. The water dotted the corners of my eyes and filled the gaps below, burning the whites of my eyes, I was trying to blink them away but neither decreased.

_Everything… gone…_

_It's all gone…_

At that moment, I broke.

Steamed tears ran down my cheeks in rivers of lava, stinging my eyes, stinging my cheeks, running in waterfalls. I clenched my sweaty palms into fists and let hot streams roll down my cheeks. I couldn't face Maka, I couldn't look at her, and all I could do was cry.

I just sat there wallowing on the floor like an infant, a mindless, stupid, infant.

I started to hear creaks, small movements on the floor in front of me. I saw a black and white boot slowly disappear as she knelt down, her other foot supporting her weight. I didn't look up, I couldn't face her, I didn't want to, I just sat there crying watching my tears drip down my cheeks and nose onto the floor below me. I soon started to feel her arms wrap around my back and wrap me in a warm embrace. Her hands rubbing my back like she was trying to burp an infant, she laid her chin on my scrawny shoulder.

…_What?_

Why was she hugging me? Wasn't she just hitting me?

All I could do was sit there like a mindless idiot, shaking and sniveling into her shoulder letting out small whimpers as she enveloped me, melting the ice off of my snow-covered body, rubbing my back in comfort, humming softly into my shoulder. I could hear small whispers escape her lips, slow, soothing whispers, I couldn't hear her words but the air-like whispers slowly started to soothe me, passing in and out of my brain like a breeze on a spring day, slowly calming the world down.

"It's okay…" I heard her mutter, "You're okay…"

She rubbed the square of my shoulders in small circles with her palm, easing the tense rock that stiffened my shoulders, her hands warm, comforting, and soothing my shaking frame. I unclenched my fists, now lying limply at my sides like wet spaghetti.

Slowly, I felt the ice start to melt away, the imprisoning wall of ice that built itself around me, melting, dripping onto the floor, leaving nothing more than a deep puddle of water. Everything was breaking, and slowly melting into oblivion, setting me free of the imprisonment that had built around me.

My lips quivered as I tried to form some legible words out of my dead voice box, "It's… It's all gone…" I managed to squeak. "…All of it… gone."

"It was for the best," she murmured, "You're better off without it."

"All gone…" I repeated, "All g-gone… None left…" I murmured.

"Everything is going to be fine, you don't need it."

_Better off without it..._

I started to shake my head, "No…" my eyes widening, stuck in a frozen look of sheer fright. "I'm not."

"You're going to be fine." She repeated.

"I-It's not going to be okay…" I squeaked, "I'm not going to be fine."

I started feeling a tighter grip around my throat, anxiety the snake coiling around my neck and gripping tighter and tighter, draining me of breath.

"I can't… I won't… it can't be okay… it won't be okay…" I started to feel tense again, as my body started to become stone, stiff and immobile. I started to feel chills crawl up my spine like a sewer rat, goose bumps forming all over me, little needles started poking and prodding at my legs as numbness started to take over. I could hear the solid sound of my heart beating in my ears, pounding against my chest like a hammer on a nail.

_Thump, thump, thump_

I wondered if she could hear it. I wondered if she could the repetitive drum that started playing in my chest, continuously slapping against my ribcage as if were preforming a solo at a concert, getting louder and faster as it reached its climax. I didn't know why my heart was panicking, why it was beating so quickly against my chest, loud enough to echo into my ears.

Maybe I was panicking again.

I stared down at the broken glass of the pipe, nothing was left of it, it was just cracked glass that couldn't be fixed, and it was no longer my portal to another world. No longer would it help me escape this turmoil, no longer would it break my chains and set me free, no longer would it come and rescue me from the falling rocks that would kill me, no longer would it help me.

_No longer… No longer can I escape._

She had broken it, she had destroyed my escape.

My one and only escape, now worthlessly broken on the floor, a constant reminder that I would never be able to break the chains or run from the falling rocks, I would never be free.

She didn't understand how much I needed it, how much I was suffering from this world, this horrible world that chained me to itself leaving me alone to deal with it all. She didn't understand how angry I was without it, how depressed I was how worthless I was without this sacchariferous substance.

_Worthless… I don't want to be worthless… not, not anymore…_

* * *

_Darkness… All I can see is darkness._

_No light, no shining light to lead me through, not even a speck of white. _

_It was all black, black that surrounded me taking shots at me left and right, taunting me, taunting my starvation, my thirst, my bruises and bumps, chaining me and not letting me free, taunting each and every struggle I made only to tighten my chain, choke me, kill me and leave me nothing but a withering body on the ground, maybe life would be much better dead. Lady Medusa says I would be better off dead than be a worthless piece of shit. _

_Worthless… That's a new word. _

_She started saying it last week when I failed to poison Ms. Marie. I heard her repeat it, adding old words like 'trash' and 'shit' to the end of the newly stated adjective. Lady Medusa always added new words to call me as I received punishment; it was like a vocabulary class somehow, except with a beating. _

"_Worthless…" I murmured, two syllables, 9 letters, 2 vowels, 7 consonants, longer than vile but shorter than ignominious. _

_It seemed every week learned a new word from her, even though I can never remember what they mean, it seems I always seem to know they must mean something bad, considering she's beating me as she does so. After every beating she dumps me in here with no food or water for at least five days, and for those five torturous days, I think about what the words she says to me mean. I don't know why I do it, I guess it takes the pain of hunger gnawing at my insides away for a couple minutes. I also try to think about the others, Black-Star, Kid, Liz and Patty, Soul, Maka, I wonder sometimes if they ever get called those things, if they ever get locked in a dark room for a week with no food or water, or if they get beaten severely if they do wrong. I always try to think about how they can smile, how they can laugh at their own mistakes or fault, and not be severely punished, I don't think Lady Medusa would ever let me smile or laugh at my faults. _

_Even if she did, I probably wouldn't know how to._

_I never understood the feeling of laughter or happiness; maybe because I never get to, or maybe because I was never taught to feel in such a manner, even after leaving Lady Medusa, I tried to feel like they did, smile and laugh at their own flaws but I couldn't turn my lips upright. I don't feel much of a difference after leaving Shibusen, I haven't felt much guilt and I really haven't thought about it, maybe because I find it somewhat the same. _

_At some points though, I felt warm and fuzzy inside and my stomach got all tingly, was that happiness? I'm not sure. _

_Sometimes I miss Maka and wish she was here with me, and maybe sometimes I miss the others too, maybe they can teach me how to be happy. Maybe they can teach me how to do better and not get called all those things Lady Medusa says and I might actually get something rather than being shoved in here. _

_But even as I sit here, I think about how mad they probably are at me for betraying them and how much they probably don't want me to come back and help them. I probably shouldn't even return, maybe they don't want me to be there. _

_Who knows, maybe they already forgot about me._

_Suddenly, I hear the door creak open. Letting a small crescent moon of light enter the room, growing bigger and bigger, only to create a longer shadow of a figure I know as Lady Medusa. My stomach lets out a small growl, starving and in pain. _

"_Get up Crona." Her voice is sharp and demanding._

_I slowly rise to my feet shaking and weak from lack of food and stumble out to the small crescent of light that had appeared, only to collapse to the ground in front of her, weak, horribly and helplessly weak. I clench my stomach as it lets out an agonizing howl that radiates through my body, so hungry…_

_I hear Lady Medusa shut the door and pad towards me. I could sense her rage and I could feel a beating already coming straight at me, she was probably mad at me for failing but collapsing made it all worse. _

"_Get up Crona." She repeated her tone sharper and seething with annoyance._

_But I couldn't, I just couldn't I was too hungry, too thirsty; I had no energy to get up from that position on the floor. _

_When I didn't get up she moved closer to me. I could feel her looking down at me, her piercing yellow eyes glaring down at me, I could almost feel them burning in the back of my head, sheer annoyance and anger tied off with a ribbon of indignation. At first she just stood there looming over my scrawny frame on the ground, as if contemplating what to do to me, maybe breaking my ribs or giving me a concussion, or possibly both._

_Maybe she would kill me today, after all she always says I'm better off dead anyways. _

_At first it was a light kick to the side, it didn't hurt but I already knew she planned something much worse for me today._

_It was then she switched feet and nailed another kick much harder at my ribs, and then another, and then another, until I was pretty sure she was doing the Irish jig beside me. Each one, sending a spiral of agonizing pain straight at my ribcage, I could almost feel the bursting of my blood cells and the nerve endings furiously blasting electricity and chemical response of pain. Each one I winced, as each one received harder impact than the other, even if she was bare foot her kicks landed pretty hard. At some times I could feel her foot bones digging into my rib cage as each foot landed kick after kick. _

_When she stopped, I assumed she had already broken a rib or two, maybe even ruptured an organ. _

_I heard her walk around me again, her feet ominously padding on the white tile floor, like a shark circling a helpless surfer, waiting for a chance to snap at the human with its powerful jaws when the person least expects it. I was just the helpless human being, and she was the shark that was about to snap at me. After a moment or two, I heard her feet take a sudden stop in front of my head. With a quick movement she grasped my hair and forcibly tugged my head upward to face her. She tugged at my hair and yanked it back so my long neck was exposed, and then with her other hand she grasped me by the collar and hoisted me up to my knees, kneeling at her feet, I looked into her yellow eyes, merciless with no hint of sanity or care. _

_She then bent her knee, reared it back and landed a hard blow straight into my stomach. I felt her foot dig deep into my organs, almost piercing them with the blow. I then felt a burning sensation at the back of my throat, ultimately leading to spit out blood on the floor, dribbling down the sides of my mouth and onto my shirt, the stain almost unnoticeable, mixing in with my black garment. The agonizing sensation I felt was soon followed by numbness, grasping my stomach even harder as I supported myself with one arm, I spit up even more blood on the white linoleum, gasping for air, pain's merciless arms clawing at my ribs and abdomen, draining me of blood with each claw stabbing into my weak body. _

_Without hesitation she grasps my neck once more and slams the back of my head straight into the wall behind me. Searing, almost blinding pain radiates through my body as my head hit the hard plaster, and with that I started to feel burning tears form at the corner of my eyes slowing leaking the moats of the whites of my eyes, then quickly leaking down my face in waterfalls. She knew I was a crier, she knew this made me cry, and I knew she loved it. Through blurred eyes I saw her fist coming, and it hit me._

_I first heard it, like a loud gong thundering into my skull alarming me of the agonizing impact, and at that same time my ears start to ring, almost as loudly as the impact. In those mere seconds my head thunders with blinding, sheer, blinding almost agonizing pain, thundering through my skull. I could feel my head almost pulsating, pressurized and inflamed, almost losing control of it itself. Suddenly, everything became a blur; it felt almost as if I was floating for a moment, I couldn't feel my legs bellow me, everything was numb. I only could only hear a steady ringing in my ears that radiated through my ears, I couldn't see anything, and I almost felt somewhat detached from my environment, as if I was under water. I kept feeling each blow hit me over and over, each one making my head thunder. I could feel my heart racing in my chest and thundering against my aching rib cage, my pulse flying out of control in a rapid spin, as each blow hit me I could feel it all racing faster. I could hear myself screaming and crying for her to stop, but each blow kept coming thundering back at me with more force, I could hear her crying out awful things at me, sleaze bag, vile, disgusting, trash, shit, ungrateful, sinful, worthless, worthless, worthless! She kept repeating it over and over at me, as if each punch would engrave it into my brain. All I could do was scream, as each blow landed to my head. _

_Suddenly, I felt her grip loosen and drop me. _

_I dropped to the floor below, my heart racing against my aching cage, my head thundering with pain and my body severely shaking. My vision was blurred from the tears that still rolled down my face in rivers, and my voice was numb from each scream and cry I had lashed out during the beating, everything hurt, everything pulsated, and it all felt horribly numb. I could see her standing in front of me, watching my bruised body wither on the ground, crying, gasping and shaking. I couldn't see her face through my blurred vision but I knew she must have been smiling down at my pain, I knew she enjoyed beating me, she enjoyed every raw screech that emanated from my throat, every tear that rolled down my eyes at each blow, and each and every ounce of blood I spit up, she loved it all. _

_After a few moments of silence, Lady Medusa spoke, "Get up Crona." She demanded, her words almost piercing me as each punch had._

_I sat there for a few seconds, staring up at her absentmindedly before attempting to get up. I grabbed the wall for support as I slowly put pressure on my feet again; I was shaking, struggling and gasping as pain shot straight up my body as I put more pressure on my feet. My left foot in particular was probably breaking in half, I leaned my hand against the wall but even as I steadied myself, I couldn't bear the pain that had nested in my foot and I collapsed. _

_I could feel her glare, I knew she was annoyed. "Get up Crona." She repeated sharply._

_I once again tried, barely steady, I stood one my right foot leaning against the wall for support. I clenched my teeth and winced, I slowly put my other foot down. I didn't expect it to be much worse, but in truth it was worse than I thought. The pain was almost unbearable the more I tried standing on it, I bit my knuckle trying to dismiss the pain and hopefully ignore it, but that didn't help much. I started to feel tears form in my eyes as I miserably attempted to walk, until once again I collapsed. I felt tears once again falling in rivers, sniveling like an infant, a stupid wasteful infant. I was crying out of pain but I also cried out of fear as to what Lady Medusa would do to me, she wasn't happy with me for failing, for crying, and for not being able to walk that well. Through blurred vision I could see her walking over to me, in defense I meekly raised my shaking twig like arms hopefully to somewhat protect me from her wrath, expecting an oncoming punch I closed my eyes, just praying she would spare me._

"_Get out." _

_Her words were shrouded with annoyance and anger, I was shocked she didn't just kill me right there. "W-What?" I stammered lowering my arms. _

"_You heard me loud and clear Crona, get out." She sharply raised her voice, her words cutting into me like a sharp knife. She never kicked me out; I was always thrown into that black room and then beaten after and then again thrown into the black room. I was never sent away, and she never ordered me out of this house. I lowered my arms and looked up at her, looming over me with an unforgiving glare. _

_With great struggle, I managed to pull myself up to my feet using the wall and limped over to the door, still sniveling and crying from the unbearable pain I felt. As I exited I heard her harshly mutter: _

"_Worthless child…" _

* * *

_Having some quite trouble with the stairs, I finally made it to the street. It was dark, and it was rather difficult to see relatively anything without a flashlight. I was still limping, still crying and still in unbearable pain, physically and emotionally. _

"_Way to get yourself kicked out Crona! No wonder Medusa calls you shit!" I heard Ragnarok yell, utterly frustrated and aggravated with me, he hated when I got in trouble with Lady Medusa, because it meant he had to do more work. With his tiny fists raised he yanked and punched me over the top of the head, this made even more tears come rushing out, considering I probably had a concussion and with that, I received even more smacks to my already aching head. "Why do you have to be such a baby?!"_

_I ignored Ragnarok's harsh words and continued to walk down the ominous alley way, stumbling and continuously banging into things practically blinded by my crying. Ragnarok was probably right when calling me a baby; I'm a stupid, sniveling, hopeless baby, who always messes everything up; that's really all I am according to Ragnarok._

_He was probably right anyways._

_Amidst Ragnarok's continuous raging, I could hear the sound of voices. Their words were slurring and you could hear laughter echoing on the walls of the alley, probably drunkards coming from the Chupa Cabra, after just hanging out with a bunch of female prostitutes and having one too many drinks. Maka always talks about how her father always seems to be there for some reason, maybe that's why Maka doesn't have a mother, I'm not sure. Their voices became louder and you could hear the uneven footsteps of them walking a few feet behind me, they were so loud, so disoriented and so hyper, they kept laughing at something, I don't know what, but it must have been something pretty funny because they just kept laughing and laughing over and over, getting louder and louder the closer they got. _

"_Please don't come near me…" I muttered, starting to become rather nervous. _

_This is why I didn't like this place very much, there were too many people, too many loud people, too many drunk people, too many rude and mean people, too many nosy and pushy people, it was just too overpopulated and I really didn't feel comfortable around people like that, I don't know how to deal with people around me, I just don't. _

_I just… I just can't deal with them…_

_Suddenly, just as I feared, the two cackling men came up behind me and wrapped their arms around me, surrounding me on both sides. My throat started to tighten and my palms started sweating in buckets, what did they want from me?! Why do they have their arms wrapped around me?! I'm not their friend! Why are they touching me?! I started panicking, I wanted them to get off me but my throat just closed up, disabling my voice._

"_Doesn't this… Doesn't this feel great Frank?! I mean… I feel so great! I feel so alive!" One of them yelled, his voice was slurred and the words he spoke rapidly passed. "You know what?! You were so right! I feel so alive with this stuff!" _

_The other man started laughing, I don't even think it was laughter, it sounded like a Hyena, insane, uncontrollable and even frightening. "Didn't I tell ya'?! I told ya' man, I told ya' you'd feel so much better! This stuff is fantastic!" _

_I didn't want to know what they were talking about; this 'stuff' probably wasn't alcohol. I started smelling the rotten stench of smoke, horrible disgusting smoke that was shoved brutally up my nostrils causing me to cough. The two men both smelled awful, wreaking a mixture of gym socks, throw up and an unknown substance I couldn't identify, and yet I didn't want to identify. But along with those smells and the smoke, I felt almost as I was going to lose any food I had in my body, which was probably close to none. _

"_You... You know what Frank?! You know what?! I didn't even need that bitch Sonya! Always nagging at me left and right, 'clean the house', 'do the dishes', 'change little Timmy's diaper', I was just… I was just done with that worthless bitch you know?!" _

_Worthless… _

_My body started to tense up at that word, I just wanted them off of me, to leave me alone; I just wanted to be alone. _

"_Ya' know what man?! You're so fuckin' right! That bitch didn't deserve you whatsoever; all you need is this man! This stuff is all you need, you don't need her or… or anybody! All you need is this substance to make you happy in life, that is all you need and you're set for life man!" the other bellowed still slurring his words. "Ya' hear that kid?!"_

_I jumped slightly when he yelled at me, his voice was loud and slurred, horribly and disgustingly slurred. I was too frightened to answer him; I didn't want to, I just wanted them to get away from me!_

"_Listen kid, you don't need anything else in life to make you happy! I was… I was such a worthless and depressed son of a bitch, my wife cheated on me, I lost my job, dammit I lost everything I had." he said his voice getting quieter and more serious as he slurred out the story of his life, "But this stuff, oh this stuff! Changed my life, changed my life straight around ya' know?! From the first breath I took I was whisked away from all the trouble I had in my life! I was happy and I so alive, all my troubles were just whisked off in a sudden breath."_

_Troubles... All troubles whisked away…_

"_You know what Frank? You're… you're totally right! I mean I was lost and alone in life, I had nobody, my kids hated me, my wife was a bitch, I was about to lose my house and I was constantly insulted about how I had a god-damn shitty ass life, and you know what? You know fuckin' what? After I had this, my life was totally changed! I mean… I mean I was flying! I felt so happy, I could finally smile, and I could finally feel good in my shitty life! And it's all because of this… this… absolutely wondrous substance."_

_I could finally smile… _

_The other nodded absentmindedly, "You have any troubles in life kid? If ya' do I could give ya some of this stuff. It makes ya' feel so good ya' know, everything whisked away from ya', just in one breath, it all could be gone!" The man suddenly shoved what seemed to be a pipe in my face, "Come on kid! Try it; it'll be so worth it!" _

_I shook my head nervously, pushing the smoking pipe away from my lips, "N-No! I'm fine." My words were nervously spoken, I didn't want any of it, and I just wanted them to get away from me. _

"_Come on Crona! You're always such a sad sap! What have you got to lose?!" I heard Ragnarok yell from above me. _

_I kept shaking my head vigorously, "I don't want it, I-I'm fine, I swear!" I stuttered._

_The man looked at me awkwardly for a moment or two, and then threw his head back and just cackled, his insane, high pitched Hyena laugh echoing off the walls. I tensed up in fright, scared at what he might do. Suddenly, the man slapped a plastic bag in my hand. The substance was rocky looking and almost dusty like, along in it contained a small glass pipe and a lighter. I looked up at him rather frightened, "Whenever you need it kid… Trust me it'll make all your sorrow go away, everything will get better… absolutely everything." He slurred, suddenly letting go of me and running off into the dark depths of the alley way, still cackling mindlessly with his friend following behind him, letting out wild hooting sounds into the night sky. _

_After I could no longer hear them, I stared down at the substance he had slapped into my hand. _

_Happiness… Everything will get better… _

_Absolutely everything…. _

_Will I finally feel happy?_

_Will everything just… go away?_

_Will I finally be able to smile? Just like everyone else?_

_I rolled the bag around in my hand for a moment, feeling the sandy substance within it, the substance that made their lives turn around, the substance that made them happy. _

_So… so very happy…_

_Maybe I'll be happy, maybe I'll finally be able to smile like the others, maybe I'll finally be able to feel something, maybe I can finally make my life better._

_Maybe… Maybe I'll stop being worthless…_

* * *

**Huzzah! She is finally finished!**

**After staying up for countless hours of the night I finally finished this chapter! :D**

**So if you didn't get it, basically this tells the story [In Flashback Form] as to how Crona started his addiction in the first place, how he received the drug at first.**

**The next chapter will explain the causes of why he started the drug itself.**

**I do want to apologize for the horribly long wait for this chapter; I hope you guys haven't lost your faith in me or this story; I hope that will never happen EVER again. **

**I also want to thank ****Kokoro no kuro **** once again for helping me with this when I was having a severe mental breakdown, she is so helpful and I just wanted to thank her for putting up with me while I threw a temper tantrum and almost lost my mind writing this XD**

**I hope this was worth the wait, and I hope this chapter is good and doesn't suck. I hope it's good enough for all of you who waited patiently for the release of this chapter. **

**I should probably get a head start on chapter 4, hopefully it will never take me this long again.**

**Thank you and I hope you guys like it. :3**

**Regards,**

**WordlessWriter **


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